Nobody Said it Would be Easy

Many of you know that I’m a huge ice hockey fan. During Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals one of the players on the LA Kings when asked about the team’s performance (losses) the previous two games was heard to say: “Nobody said it would be easy.” You see for the LA Kings it had been a hard-fought year just to make it to the playoffs. They had their fair share of change—they were on their third coach for what had looked like a hopeless season. Something was holding the team back and a change in leadership seemed like the only thing to do.

And now they were in the Stanley Cup Finals having easily taken out three opponents. They came on strong and a sweeping win seemed to be a sure thing. But after winning three games in a row, they lost the next two to the NJ Devils. Here they were, back home in LA and the pressure was one to win the Cup in Game 6 and send the Devils home. 

They knew it wouldn’t be easy. Once again, something had to change. That night it was a change in attitude. Almost every player interviewed before the game spoke of a confidence they had in each other. They had to leave the shame of losing two games behind them and hit the ice as if it were a new day, a new game, and time to win!

It seems to me that’s how life is. Circumstances beyond our control happen. Sometimes things appear headed in the right direction when one misstep suddenly changes everything we expected to happen. We beat ourselves up over our mistakes, the  “would have, could have, should have beens” and may find ourselves stuck in our failure and trapped by what we call “shame” for not succeeding.

If we can simply remember that we are imperfect humans and there is one perfect God who grants us grace and forgiveness (1 John 1-10), maybe, just maybe we can chart a new course. We may feel as if we have lost everything, and yet in those moments of despair and frustration, we are reminded by the Apostle Paul that in Christ we can find new strength. 

 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.  Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

Our pride may keep us from asking for help. Our pride may keep us trapped in the failure. When we are willing to hand over our imperfections to a perfect Christ, we can trust that he will take our fears, our pain, our disgrace, our shame and transform them into hope and joy. When we are willing to share our struggles with others, we can find encouragement. There will come a time when we no longer need to be held down by our shame. The message in Isaiah 54 is that we need not fear or live in shames but can be redeemed (restored) and set free by God’s grace. Jesus in Matthew 11:28 calls us to come to him  “all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light”

When we are united first with Christ, then with one another, great change and restoration can occur. We must set our lives in the direction that God is leading us and in doing so will be given the strength to make the changes we need to succeed with his plan. 

So what happened with the LA Kings? They came out with a renewed strength and confidence in their abilities in Game 6. They quickly took control of the ice and after 60 minutes of play we able to hoist the Stanley Cup as the 2012 champions. How did they do it? That renewed confidence they all spoke of for starters. One player said it was about taking small steps, winning one shift at a time. One said they had learned from their past experience and knew what needed to be changed. They faced the past and did what they needed to chart a new course. 

Just as in life, if we can pause and ask God to show us our character defects, he will help us to change the direction we are heading. Sometimes we too need a change in leadership. For me that leader is the Jesus. And by having a willingness to change, to accept new direction, we too can have renewed confidence and the strength and courage to take the next step forward—one at a time.

Taking Responsibility

One of the first principles of recovery that I learned is that I am responsible for me—for my decisions, my behavior, and the consequences (good or bad) of those actions. It is so much easier to point the finger at someone else, and at times it may seem justified, however, I have found that regardless of what someone else has done “to me” I am still responsible for my reaction.

“Do don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone.” (Galatians 6 (We Reap What we Sow)

Transformation starts with a recognition of our poor behavior and poor choices made as a result. We are not condemned to a life of repeating our reactions—change IS possible. Change is a process. For me, a large part of that process has involved finding God and accepting Jesus as my inspiration, my leader, and my salvation from a life of bad choices.

PiaMelody writes: “If I am honest and accountable, I will keep my word and commitments, accepting responsibility for my behavior without trying to justify it based on another s behavior. It is, of course, appropriate to confront the others behavior and to own our feelings about that behavior. It is very different to say, “When I witnessed this behavior, I had this feeling,” than to say, “Your behavior caused me to feel this or caused me to behave in this manner.” Inappropriate behavior is inappropriate. If my boundary system and self-discipline are so poor that I rage, demean, call names, etc., it is my responsibility to protect you from me. My emotional reaction to you or to a situation does not lessen my responsibility to be appropriate. Blaming and whining are close relatives. It is manipulation if I try to affect the outcome by blaming others or by trying to evoke pity so that I am not held accountable and consequences disappear.”  (Melody, 2004)  

So it gets down to CHOICES! Do I want to take responsibility? Do I want to ask for help? Do I want to do what it takes to be a different person today?And am I willing to protect my heart and my being by stepping away when I need to? Am I willing to walk away when my emotions get the best of me? Am I willing to choose my response?

I know that there will be days when I fall short. I am not perfect, remember? One thing I cannot be though is fearful. If I believe that God has set forth a path for redemption (release, recovery, salvation) and I have stepped onto that path, I have to trust that change will come. I must start by taking responsibility for my spiritual growth, making a commitment to change, and surrounding myself with new understanding are tools I can use to affect a change.And I have to trust that if the changes I am making are part of his will for me, that he will bless me and remove that fear. "Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear, do not be frightened." (1 Peter 3:13-14) I still need to break the chain of poor choices and bad behavior and trust that God is there with me.

I can’t do it alone. It takes relationships, guidance, and prayer. Today I pray that I will make right choices. Lord give me people who will hold me accountable and who will remind me that this is a journey that starts new every day. And I pray that I will remember that it is about grace and forgiveness that comes from a relationship with my Father.

Melody, Pia, (2004) Honesty and Accountability in Relationships, Recovery Becomes Reality, Retrieved from: http://www.piamellody.com/pdf/ML_Winter2004_Pia.pdf

Accepting the Change in Others

Galations 5:13-15 For you have been called to live in freedom—not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But if instead of showing love among yourselves you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another. (NLT)

Paul’s letters to the Galatians was about receiving God’s blessing by  fully accepting Jesus for their salvation. Paul told them that in Christ we are all free—free to live under God’s grace. And in that freedom we have one responsibility: Love one another. As partners, family members, friends of someone struggling with addiction or poor behavioral choices, it can be hard to remember to love one another as ourself. Just as the Galatians struggled with how to accept non-Jewish converts into the fold, friends of survivors may struggle with how to accept those in recovery—how to trust them again, how to love them without being hurt, and how to believe that God is changing them. Change is hard for everyone involved in this healing process. But if we can remember to start by accepting God’s love for us, then maybe we can just love those in the process of transformation until we can trust and believe again.

CHANGE

Change comes to us in many forms. Some planned—some unplanned. 

This has been a year of change for me. Change in my perspective. Change in where I live. Change in where I worship. Change in where I work. Most importantly – change in how I choose to live my life.  And in the midst of this change I see great new opportunities. 

One of the changes for me will include writing to this blog on a regular basis thanks to the encouragement of a good friend. I got out of the habit of writing for many reasons but now as I enter into phase two of a professional life—one that I hope will be honorable and fulfilling—I want to share my experience, strength, and hope with others. I also hope that those of you seeking or walking a life of transformation will share your stories with me and my readers. 

So what then is change and transformation?  Romans 12:2, which first inspired this blog, says that we should let God transform us into a new person by changing the way we think (See my Sept 2009 posting).  The American Heritage Dictionary defines change as: “a) to cause to be different, b) to give a completely different form or appearance, to transform.  In Jeremiah we are told the story of the potter and the clay. If we are willing to give up control, God can move in our life to change our behaviors and attitudes.  If we are willing to take action we can find a way to a fresh start. We can crush out those things that have trapped us and reshape our lives.

The Potter and the Clay (Jeremiah 18 )

The Lord gave another message to Jeremiah. He said, ² “Go down to the potter’s shop, and I will speak to you there.” ³ So I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel. ⁴ But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over.

⁵ Then the Lord gave me this message: ⁶ “O Israel, can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand. ⁷ New Living Translation (NLT)

Transformation then involves an act of willingness. It doesn’t matter if one is talking about not drinking or drugging, about eating better, spending wisely, or simply developing a spiritual life that draws us closer to the Lord. The first step is to take the first step. 

Pia Melody (pg 68) writes that “everybody is imperfect. It’s the nature of the human being to be imperfect.” In Genesis 1:27 we are told: “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” We also learn that sin makes us imperfect. In Romans 7:15-24 Paul describes a place where most of us find ourselves—wanting to do better but falling short. Imperfect.

¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (New International Version)

I would posit that most of us have spent a fair amount of time striving for that original perfection and beating ourselves up for failing to meet the unattainable. So how then do we reconcile the gap between perfection and imperfection that is evident in our sometimes irrational behavior?  

Keith Miller in A Hunger for Healing wrote about the struggles he continued to have after committing his life to Christ. His imperfection. Miller describes the need to take responsibility for our behavior and how once can regain a sense of self through healing and a spiritual relationship with the Lord.

My hope is that in sharing my spiritual journey of transformation that others will step on the path with me and share their experience with others. I will draw from many sources, beginning at the beginning with the Word found in scriptures. I look forward to your comments, your sharing, and your support. 

Here we go!!!

References:

 http://www.piamellody.com/

 http://www.keithmiller.com/