Nobody Said it Would be Easy

Many of you know that I’m a huge ice hockey fan. During Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals one of the players on the LA Kings when asked about the team’s performance (losses) the previous two games was heard to say: “Nobody said it would be easy.” You see for the LA Kings it had been a hard-fought year just to make it to the playoffs. They had their fair share of change—they were on their third coach for what had looked like a hopeless season. Something was holding the team back and a change in leadership seemed like the only thing to do.

And now they were in the Stanley Cup Finals having easily taken out three opponents. They came on strong and a sweeping win seemed to be a sure thing. But after winning three games in a row, they lost the next two to the NJ Devils. Here they were, back home in LA and the pressure was one to win the Cup in Game 6 and send the Devils home. 

They knew it wouldn’t be easy. Once again, something had to change. That night it was a change in attitude. Almost every player interviewed before the game spoke of a confidence they had in each other. They had to leave the shame of losing two games behind them and hit the ice as if it were a new day, a new game, and time to win!

It seems to me that’s how life is. Circumstances beyond our control happen. Sometimes things appear headed in the right direction when one misstep suddenly changes everything we expected to happen. We beat ourselves up over our mistakes, the  “would have, could have, should have beens” and may find ourselves stuck in our failure and trapped by what we call “shame” for not succeeding.

If we can simply remember that we are imperfect humans and there is one perfect God who grants us grace and forgiveness (1 John 1-10), maybe, just maybe we can chart a new course. We may feel as if we have lost everything, and yet in those moments of despair and frustration, we are reminded by the Apostle Paul that in Christ we can find new strength. 

 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.  Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

Our pride may keep us from asking for help. Our pride may keep us trapped in the failure. When we are willing to hand over our imperfections to a perfect Christ, we can trust that he will take our fears, our pain, our disgrace, our shame and transform them into hope and joy. When we are willing to share our struggles with others, we can find encouragement. There will come a time when we no longer need to be held down by our shame. The message in Isaiah 54 is that we need not fear or live in shames but can be redeemed (restored) and set free by God’s grace. Jesus in Matthew 11:28 calls us to come to him  “all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light”

When we are united first with Christ, then with one another, great change and restoration can occur. We must set our lives in the direction that God is leading us and in doing so will be given the strength to make the changes we need to succeed with his plan. 

So what happened with the LA Kings? They came out with a renewed strength and confidence in their abilities in Game 6. They quickly took control of the ice and after 60 minutes of play we able to hoist the Stanley Cup as the 2012 champions. How did they do it? That renewed confidence they all spoke of for starters. One player said it was about taking small steps, winning one shift at a time. One said they had learned from their past experience and knew what needed to be changed. They faced the past and did what they needed to chart a new course. 

Just as in life, if we can pause and ask God to show us our character defects, he will help us to change the direction we are heading. Sometimes we too need a change in leadership. For me that leader is the Jesus. And by having a willingness to change, to accept new direction, we too can have renewed confidence and the strength and courage to take the next step forward—one at a time.

Taking Responsibility

One of the first principles of recovery that I learned is that I am responsible for me—for my decisions, my behavior, and the consequences (good or bad) of those actions. It is so much easier to point the finger at someone else, and at times it may seem justified, however, I have found that regardless of what someone else has done “to me” I am still responsible for my reaction.

“Do don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone.” (Galatians 6 (We Reap What we Sow)

Transformation starts with a recognition of our poor behavior and poor choices made as a result. We are not condemned to a life of repeating our reactions—change IS possible. Change is a process. For me, a large part of that process has involved finding God and accepting Jesus as my inspiration, my leader, and my salvation from a life of bad choices.

PiaMelody writes: “If I am honest and accountable, I will keep my word and commitments, accepting responsibility for my behavior without trying to justify it based on another s behavior. It is, of course, appropriate to confront the others behavior and to own our feelings about that behavior. It is very different to say, “When I witnessed this behavior, I had this feeling,” than to say, “Your behavior caused me to feel this or caused me to behave in this manner.” Inappropriate behavior is inappropriate. If my boundary system and self-discipline are so poor that I rage, demean, call names, etc., it is my responsibility to protect you from me. My emotional reaction to you or to a situation does not lessen my responsibility to be appropriate. Blaming and whining are close relatives. It is manipulation if I try to affect the outcome by blaming others or by trying to evoke pity so that I am not held accountable and consequences disappear.”  (Melody, 2004)  

So it gets down to CHOICES! Do I want to take responsibility? Do I want to ask for help? Do I want to do what it takes to be a different person today?And am I willing to protect my heart and my being by stepping away when I need to? Am I willing to walk away when my emotions get the best of me? Am I willing to choose my response?

I know that there will be days when I fall short. I am not perfect, remember? One thing I cannot be though is fearful. If I believe that God has set forth a path for redemption (release, recovery, salvation) and I have stepped onto that path, I have to trust that change will come. I must start by taking responsibility for my spiritual growth, making a commitment to change, and surrounding myself with new understanding are tools I can use to affect a change.And I have to trust that if the changes I am making are part of his will for me, that he will bless me and remove that fear. "Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear, do not be frightened." (1 Peter 3:13-14) I still need to break the chain of poor choices and bad behavior and trust that God is there with me.

I can’t do it alone. It takes relationships, guidance, and prayer. Today I pray that I will make right choices. Lord give me people who will hold me accountable and who will remind me that this is a journey that starts new every day. And I pray that I will remember that it is about grace and forgiveness that comes from a relationship with my Father.

Melody, Pia, (2004) Honesty and Accountability in Relationships, Recovery Becomes Reality, Retrieved from: http://www.piamellody.com/pdf/ML_Winter2004_Pia.pdf

Accepting the Change in Others

Galations 5:13-15 For you have been called to live in freedom—not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But if instead of showing love among yourselves you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another. (NLT)

Paul’s letters to the Galatians was about receiving God’s blessing by  fully accepting Jesus for their salvation. Paul told them that in Christ we are all free—free to live under God’s grace. And in that freedom we have one responsibility: Love one another. As partners, family members, friends of someone struggling with addiction or poor behavioral choices, it can be hard to remember to love one another as ourself. Just as the Galatians struggled with how to accept non-Jewish converts into the fold, friends of survivors may struggle with how to accept those in recovery—how to trust them again, how to love them without being hurt, and how to believe that God is changing them. Change is hard for everyone involved in this healing process. But if we can remember to start by accepting God’s love for us, then maybe we can just love those in the process of transformation until we can trust and believe again.

CHANGE

Change comes to us in many forms. Some planned—some unplanned. 

This has been a year of change for me. Change in my perspective. Change in where I live. Change in where I worship. Change in where I work. Most importantly – change in how I choose to live my life.  And in the midst of this change I see great new opportunities. 

One of the changes for me will include writing to this blog on a regular basis thanks to the encouragement of a good friend. I got out of the habit of writing for many reasons but now as I enter into phase two of a professional life—one that I hope will be honorable and fulfilling—I want to share my experience, strength, and hope with others. I also hope that those of you seeking or walking a life of transformation will share your stories with me and my readers. 

So what then is change and transformation?  Romans 12:2, which first inspired this blog, says that we should let God transform us into a new person by changing the way we think (See my Sept 2009 posting).  The American Heritage Dictionary defines change as: “a) to cause to be different, b) to give a completely different form or appearance, to transform.  In Jeremiah we are told the story of the potter and the clay. If we are willing to give up control, God can move in our life to change our behaviors and attitudes.  If we are willing to take action we can find a way to a fresh start. We can crush out those things that have trapped us and reshape our lives.

The Potter and the Clay (Jeremiah 18 )

The Lord gave another message to Jeremiah. He said, ² “Go down to the potter’s shop, and I will speak to you there.” ³ So I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel. ⁴ But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over.

⁵ Then the Lord gave me this message: ⁶ “O Israel, can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand. ⁷ New Living Translation (NLT)

Transformation then involves an act of willingness. It doesn’t matter if one is talking about not drinking or drugging, about eating better, spending wisely, or simply developing a spiritual life that draws us closer to the Lord. The first step is to take the first step. 

Pia Melody (pg 68) writes that “everybody is imperfect. It’s the nature of the human being to be imperfect.” In Genesis 1:27 we are told: “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” We also learn that sin makes us imperfect. In Romans 7:15-24 Paul describes a place where most of us find ourselves—wanting to do better but falling short. Imperfect.

¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (New International Version)

I would posit that most of us have spent a fair amount of time striving for that original perfection and beating ourselves up for failing to meet the unattainable. So how then do we reconcile the gap between perfection and imperfection that is evident in our sometimes irrational behavior?  

Keith Miller in A Hunger for Healing wrote about the struggles he continued to have after committing his life to Christ. His imperfection. Miller describes the need to take responsibility for our behavior and how once can regain a sense of self through healing and a spiritual relationship with the Lord.

My hope is that in sharing my spiritual journey of transformation that others will step on the path with me and share their experience with others. I will draw from many sources, beginning at the beginning with the Word found in scriptures. I look forward to your comments, your sharing, and your support. 

Here we go!!!

References:

 http://www.piamellody.com/

 http://www.keithmiller.com/

Motivated by Love or Hate?

The day after a horrible shooting in Arizona the word “hate” is being thrown around as if it belongs to one special group-one type of person. Does that then mean that “love” is reserved to only certain groups and certain people? I think not.

What does it mean then to be motivated by love and not by hate? Dr. Larry Crabb in Understanding People wrote: “the most significant fact about people is not that they are complicated psychologically or irresponsible morally, but rather that they were made to love and be loved. We were designed for relationship. Consequently we yearn for it. Our deepest parts cry out for intimacy and meaningful involvement with others. (pg. 83) Unfortunately for some, they never feel that love in their lives and they never feel that connectedness to another leading to unsatisfying relationships and “a profound loneliness that strengthens our determination to protect ourselves from the hurt we fear. People are caught up in a vicious cycle of hurt, defense retreat, more hurt, more retreat.” (pg. 83) I wonder if this cycle doesn’t then lead to the murderous acts we witnessed of a man so lost and lonely that he felt someone must pay the price for his hurt and pain?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying he is in any way justified by his actions. But before we start throwing around the “hate” word, maybe we should look at our own lives and measure how we are doing on the love scale. Are we using God’s love to change the heart of another; are we reaching through to a fellow human being to develop a loving relationship? Or are we walking past these people because they aren’t like us or they are simply too wounded to be worthy my time?

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Henri J. M. Nouwen wrote “At issue here is the question: ‘to whom do I belong? To God or to the world?’…As long as I keep running about asking ‘Do you love me? Do you really love me?’ I give all the power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world if filled with ‘if’s.’ The words say: ‘Yes, I love you IF you are good-looking, intelligent, and wealthy. I love you IF you have a good education, a good job, and good connections. I love you IF you produce much, sell much, and buy much.’ There are endless ‘if’s’ hidden in the world’s love. These ‘ifs’ enslave me since it is impossible to respond adequately to all of them. The worlds’ love is and always will be conditional. As long as I keep looking for my true self in the world of conditional love, I will remain ‘hooked’ to the world—trying, failing, and trying again.”

I am more than a little tired of the finger pointing that goes on between political factions---each claiming they are more right than the other. Each side seems all too willing to jump on the latest tragedy and use it to flame the fire. Each rising in righteous indignation to prove the kind of hate those others have is destroying this nation, ignoring the hate in their own heart. Maybe, just maybe, if we were each to ask how we can love the other better we might find that there is no room for hate in the country that has so much to offer everyone living here.

My question to you then is how will you love that person you disagree with today? Are YOU willing to take the first step to connect and understand someone thus lightening their burden today? Can you love someone today even if they don’t look, act, or believe like you? I pray that you will find the way to love one person today that you never thought was possible. ONE PERSON –is that too much to do to transform our nation?

Crabb, Larry (1987), Understanding people, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan

Nouwen, Henri J. M. (2004) Advent and Christmas wisdom from Henri J.M. Nowen: Daily Scripture and prayers together with Nouwen’s own words., Liguori Publications, Liguori, Missouri

New Year = New Commitments to Transformation

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 NIV

It has been quite a while since I wrote anything for this blog and I guess the start of a new year is as good a time as ever to start over with the blog. When I first started writing I did it for a group of young women who were studying Romans 12:2, one of my favorite verses , and trying to grasp what that meant for their future. Most of those women have gone on to college and I find this is still one the most important verses for me, especially with the start of a new year and all the talk about resolutions for 2011. This new entry is dedicated to those young women and my friends who are walking this walk.

Marie Chapian in the Women’s Devotional Bible says: “It is a challenge to live our lives as sacrifices to God. When we do, we aren’t the masters of our bodies and minds—God is.” How simple that sounds and yet it is a daily struggle for me to let God be that master of my body and mind. We are bombarded by things of this world that tell us we can live however we want as long as we are happy. And yet in the simplest of terms Jesus said: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so must you love another. “ John 13:34. It ALL starts with his love that compels us to love others in the same way.

So then what of love and its role in the way we as Christians live our lives—lives that the New Living Version of the same verse says “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” If we skip ahead to verses 9-10 Paul tell us “Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. “

This love springs from God’s love of us and we are thus compelled to love others in the way that he loves us. Not a simple task for mere humans; at least not this human. I can quickly become selfish and intolerant if someone doesn’t respond the way I think they should. I can become demanding of things I think I deserve. I can be cold-hearted if people and things don’t fit in my schedule. I whine if I don’t have the attention I think I should. I guess I pretend more than I would like to admit.

Notice a trend here? All about me! A worldly 21^st Century attitude that I pray I can change in the coming year. William P. Young in “The Shack” speaking as God said: “ Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions. Most emotions are responses to perception—what you think is true about a given situation. If your perception is false, then your emotional response to it will be false too. So check your perceptions, and beyond that check the truthfulness of your paradigms—what you believe. Just because you believe something firmly doesn’t make it true. Be willing to reexamine what you believe. The more you live in the truth, the more your emotions will help you see clearly. But even then, you don’t want to trust them more than me. “

In the year ahead I pray that we all find ourselves living God’s love in all that we do and that we constantly seek HIS truth in all situations, casting aside our selfish desires for his. Today I take another step on my spiritual journey and I invite you to share yours with me that together we may grow strong in our walk and gain more of God’s wisdom with each new step.