J. Keith Miller wrote that as part of a fifth step:
“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of
our wrongs” (See also John 5:16) we come to understand what Pia Melody coined
as “Perfectly Imperfect.” (A Hunger for Healing, pg 93). Miller wrote:
“…we learn that we are imperfect
and that this condition is universal for real human beings. But we also learn
that we can be forgiven for our mistakes, our sins, and can learn wisdom as we
face them and make amends. Each of these imperfections and sins can be an
occasion for character development and spiritual insight about how to give and
receive love. As we face our hidden selves, we develop more compassion for
those trapped as we have been. And we begin to face and deal with the denied,
controlling, sinf-filled defects in our lives, we are told that we are
beginning to grow in humility and genuine spirituality. But we would never have
connected the need to deal with our very “unspiritual” denied character defects
without clearing the decks for true spirituality. “
I find great release and freedom in those words. I know I am
far from perfect, yet there are occasions where I expect perfection in myself
and especially from others. A wise friend once told me that when I am outraged
by someone’s behavior, I should pause and see if I am outraged because
that defect is actually mine. It’s that finger-pointing picture that has three
fingers pointing back at me and my own flaws.
Our associate pastor, Peter Frank, gave a stunning sermon
recently on judgment and forgiveness. Church of the Epiphany Anglican Channel He points out that there is only one person who is
sinless and perfect—Jesus Christ—and therefore the ONLY one in a position to
judge and condemn us. Yet he doesn’t condemn us. He forgives. He sets us free. How amazing is it
that he can look on our imperfection with love, compassion, and grace, yet we
are unwilling to do that for others. Rather we stay trapped in resentment and
anger and fail to grow spiritually and emotionally.
In Mathew 7: 3-5, Jesus tells us to first remove the log in
our own eye—to take a moment of self-examination before we judge others. It is
easy to become so focused on what we judge to be imperfection or poor decision making
in others that we don’t deal with our
own imperfection and bad choices. We may focus on times in our past when we
were wronged, times when someone hurt us, or times of our own failures. This
focus on imperfection in others and ourselves gives way to anger and
resentment. We peel back the scab of hurt over and over, refusing to allow new skin to
develop and healing to occur.
If we can forgive the wrongs of others and allow the Perfect
One to deal with those behaviors in others, we can begin to shift the focus to
repairing our own behaviors. Then change begins. Then growth occurs. Then we
are free to be all that God intends for us to be.
I know from my own experiences that I have grown by letting
go of those persons and memories that hurt me. I can’t change the abuse I
endured as a child or as an adult. I can, however, allow God to deal with those
situations and to deal with my imperfections. I no longer need to act out my
resentments in a way that continues to harm me. I can let God forgive my flaws
and to change my life. I can continue to grow and to find new peace.
I know I will still have my moments of self righteous
indignation. I know I will have my moments of pointing the finger or judging
others behaviors. I also know that I will continue to ask myself what those
moments tell me about my own character defects and to seek forgiveness and
change in my life. I will seek humility and honesty by sharing my journey with
others that they too may find forgiveness and freedom.
Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has
done for you and how he has had mercy on you. Mark 5:19
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